6 Jawas Who Totally Knew about the Bad Motivator


Who can forget Dathcha? This cutie sharpshooter could hardly contain his giggles when Owen tried to buy R5-D4. What a sucker!



Total conniver. He basically rigged the motivator stunt himself. Friends say he stuck it back in with duct tape. LOL!


Het Nkik

On second thought, Ol’ Nkikky was at the cantina the whole time. He might be off the hook.



Alright, quit playin’ Jeff. We all know you’re just a regular sized dude in a Jawa robe. Even Buddy the Elf had to come to terms with it eventually. Plus, your name is Jeff. Dead giveaway.



Never seen without Tab. They both had to be in on it, those little scamps 😉



Hated Jebnit’s guts, but they were the only ones that could truly understand each other’s stank. SAD



Ugly unmasked sand person is ugly
Rust Never Sleeps
The Book of lists
The Disney Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge details we’ve all read

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The Light, It Burns: How Lightsabers Work

how lightsabers work
Three years into the podcast and we’re finally getting to how lightsabers work.

We owe guest host Aaron Spain (half of the Nordy Derk Podcast) this episode. Here’s our thank you, three years later.

Star Wars Explained video about Vader’s lightsaber: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unE4Cg9HjAk

Do it: https://youtu.be/vU54c3YDyak

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The Lost Episodes Vol 1 – The Force Awakens

the force awakens

“Traitor! [it’s implied that I have history with you, let’s fight]”

Better late than never.

Long considered lost and forgotten, raw audio tracks were unearthed. In them, the boys finally get to breaking down The Force Awakens. What better time to release them to the public than 17 months and 1 film later!

The weirdest part: our opinions age pretty well.

Here’s a link to the article Nick cited about tweaking the timing on blowing up the planets.

Happy Star Wars Day!

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What the Force Does

the force

“I smell something. Do you smell that? It’s in this general region right here. Weird”

The Force.

What does it do?
What doesn’t it do?
Why is it so finicky, changing from wielder to wielder?
Bonus question: what does it have to do with girls’ night out?

We’re back to catalog the does and don’ts of the Force. Cause it’s confusing and we’re here to help our listeners make sense of the galaxy.

Tune in to find out why the alternate title is “Tauntaun Throat Sausage”

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It’s been pretty quiet at the Loose Canon studios

Loose Canon

A view from Alex’s backyard in LA.






So tragedy Loose Canon this year. Ok fine, we’ll dispense with the dramatics. We lost the audio files on two Force Awakens episodes we were working on as well as an Expanded Universe post-mortem. Like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, the charred remains rest on some remote planet (wherever Apple disposes of their replaced hard drives).

We still have a wild eye to get more episodes out there, but we’re taking this time to carbon freeze the direction we want our podcast to go in the age of new canon.

In the meantime, do you have an idea for us? Been listening to back episodes? Tweet at us or post on our Facebook page and tell us how you’ve been biding your time between Star Wars movies.

We love you, canonballs!

-Alex, Patrick & Nick

Episode 20 – Darth Vader: The Machine

Darth Vader GlovesIn this stunning conclusion to our Darth Vader two-parter, we get to the core of what makes Vader tick – seriously his suit probably does tick a little. When it comes to the complex mechanisms keeping that quivering Christmas ham alive on the inside, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Parts that include some pretty cool gloves.

I mean what did you expect? All that space diabeetus really takes its toll on your circulation. Luckily glove technology is so advanced that Vader was able to lead a somewhat normal, albeit excruciatingly painful life.

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Episode 19 – Darth Vader: The Man

Darth Vader's Meditation Chamber

Whatcha thinkin bout?

Our lack of Darth Vader discussion was disturbing, so we decided to bust out a two-parter!

Join us for part 1 and dive deep into the personhood of Darth Vader.

If it weren’t for that nice man on Tatooine finally testing that poor kid’s blood for juvenile diabeetus, we wouldn’t have a story and you wouldn’t have a definitive answer for what the plural of ‘menace’ is.

Check out Patrick’s show Space Wars: Revenge of the Recaps running this December in Chicago. Be sure to like it on Facebook as well.

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Episode 18 – Lando: Works Every Time


Been sitting on this alternate version for far too long

He knows when to hold em, knows when to fold em, knows when to don a silk cape, knows when to  get it dry cleaned.

Join us and learn about the man and the mystery behind Lando Calrissian. We also give the Marvel Lando comics our stamp of new-canon approval. We know we’re not a Star Wars review podcast. We’re altering the deal. Pray we don’t alter it any further.

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Episode 17 – All Things Stormtrooper

This man is responsible for the most Stormtrooper deaths out of anyone.

This man is responsible for the most Stormtrooper deaths out of anyone.

After a months-long embedded assignment within the Stormtrooper academy, we’re back! Inspired by a listener question, in this episode, we explore the good, the bad and the useless Stormtrooper lore.


  • The waning numbers of clones within the ranks
  • A utility belt that puts Batman to shame
  • Stormtrooper taxonomy
  • Is that a Thermos of soup on their back?
  • The real reason why they’re such bad shots

DISCLAIMER: This episode contains mild Marvel Star Wars spoilers and a lot of Force Awakens conjecture that’s been rendered obsolete since trailer 3

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Episode 16 – Shakespeare and Star Wars: An Evening with Orion Couling

The Star Warsificatioin of MacBeth: An Evening with Orion Couling

What do you get when a Star Wars dork goes to town on Shakespeare’s MacBeth? Meet Orion Couling: the closest thing to a real life Jedi Master (or Sith Lord?) we’ll probably come across. Listen in as Nick, Patrick and Alex’s force ghost grills Orion about everything he’s working on: MacSith, general combat choreography, and his theater company: E.D.G.E.  And by “grill”, we mean turn the mic and swoon like the fanboys we are.

Rejected episode titles:
A Skywalker by Any Other Name
Something Sith-ed This Way Comes
Lando, Lando Wherefore Art Thou, Lando
Out, Damned Jar Jar

Learn more about Orion and E.D.G.E at edgeoforion.com
If you’re going to be in Chicago between now and June 14th, come see MacSith!
Otherwise, contact Orion to demand that he take the show to you!

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(Just pretend the crackles in the audio come from the playback on vinyl: the way our podcast was meant to be heard)